Friday, February 5, 2010

stuck in the middle

i just dont know anymore. im stuck in the middle and i dont know who to believe. i cant say I blame him for feeling this way, but what i dont get is how he could put that on me. He should know i cant make decisions, this just doesnt seem right. how do you learn something about the one person you look up to and respect and love so much...and try to see someone else? just because someone told u different. it's hard, and i hate it. they should just grow the hell up already. ive only heard one side of the story, but God knows i dont wanna know anymore. there are so many secrets....i just want out. i guess im too optimistic about this, i know nothing will ever change, but a girl can hope right? HA. im not gonna say that i hate my life, because i dont. i know i have it lucky, even when it seems its falling apart. he says theres more to the story, and he would wait to tell me the rest of it when i was "mature" enough for it. SCREW THAT. no way, i want no part of it. i dont wanna know, but i cant say that to his face i would feel like i was breaking his heart. i learned this in 7th grade and i felt like i was dissapointing so many people that i loved. all i wanted was to keep them together...but it seems like im pulling them farther apart. it seems like whatever i do, no matter what my intentions are, i feel like im hurting someone. i have to lie to everyone, and it kills me every single second. i just have to remember one thing, one thing that i learned....theres always three sides to a story: his side, her side and the truth. but will i ever find that out? i dont think so. im stuck in the middle, between two families that were meant to be one. look how well that turned out. i guess im too young to understand, but whose side do you choose, when you dont even know where you stand?